The first time I experienced Movement as Medicine, it started in bed. I was ruminating, grief-stricken. Something deep and dark and tremendously feeling was moving beneath the surface of my skin. Scrolling with eyes glazed over on my laptop, it felt like the waters of my body were storming. It wasn’t beautiful or poetic; it felt like absolute shit.
I felt stuck, heartbroken and (I realize now), wedged between a version of myself that only knew how to move emotion by thinking my way through something — AKA “processing” — and another, darker, primal part of me: something more animal. It scared me. Feeling was rising and I didn’t know what to do with it. I couldn’t process my way out of or through it.
The cumulative heartbreak of what I now realize was years of not being able to fully heal or trust the feelings that were so heavy and dense around this particular loss, rose up and into my throat, and I swear it happened as total instinct: I slammed my laptop shut and heard myself say out loud, “I need to move this.”
I moved really quickly, not wanting the surge of emotion to slip through my fingers. I got out of bed, turned the lights out, grabbed the bluetooth speaker, and except for the glow of my bedside salt lamp, everything was dark. I cranked up the music and just started to move.
I’m not painting a pretty picture. It was ugly. I felt ripped open, and unsure of how to even do what I was attempting to do. Every time I tried to make my movements sexy or somehow attractive — a consequence, I now realize, of being perpetually under the Male Gaze, as all women are — I noticed I went numb. I couldn’t stay in my body if I imagined my movements were for someone else.
I tried to focus instead on moving like Feeling wanted me to move. It was hard. It took an unbelievable amount of attention and energy to just stay with myself and not try to stop the flow of tears and wails that were thundering to the surface.
I pressed my face into a pillow and screamed. I had never done that before. Thirty-something years on the planet, and I hadn’t, since babyhood, had permission to scream in utter heartbreak.
It’s been years since that first night with my body’s innate movement as my guide, and this practice has become the thing I rely on to reconnect me to my Source, my instinct, my body’s truths, discernment, and the absolute correctness of my worthiness.
What began in my bedroom as an instinctual pathway to move clogged or clouded energy through my system is, I realize, not just me alone with a mini disco light and a killer playlist anymore.
Movement is the temple of my feminine practice, the place I come to listen to myself, to be heard, known, trusted and guided by the wisdom of feeling and how she (feeling) wants me to move my body.
And when I say “move my body,” I don’t just mean to the rhythm or beat of the music. I mean toward Life. Toward Love. Toward whatever Truth is there, in the moment, to guide and direct me into the fullest, most wildly expressed, authentic and stirring gifts of my heart.
I wanted a way to introduce you to this precious practice so that you can take hold of it and make it your own — in your home, in your body, with and for yourself, with nothing and no one in between You and You. From here, I created Feminine Body Drop.
“Body Drop” is a practice we use in Focalizing to connect with our felt sense and access Source within, allowing trauma and emotional barriers to dissolve to facilitate healing at all levels. Feminine Body Drop is a practice I’ve been developing as I continue to train in Focalizing to support my female clients to connect with their bodies and feel their precious, innately feminine connection to feeling and sensation.
Click here to visit the Meetup Group for Women’s Embodiment & Healing, where you can also register for the class. (Tickets are $15.)
On Wednesday, February 24th, join me for a gentle intro to this practice. It’s a 90-minute class that includes yummy music, meditation and sensual movement. It is intended to support you in feeling spacious and centered, connected and appreciative of your beautiful body, and give you lots of permission to connect with yourself and safely meet any uncomfortable barriers that prevent that “at home in myself” feeling we’re all longing for.
This is NOT a dance skills class! Zero experience is required, and you’ll have plenty of privacy to move in a way that feels good for you.
This class is all about movement as a pleasure practice and medicine for the heart + soul.
While it’s totally normal to feel nervous or intimidated, I promise you will have plenty of privacy, and there will be an opportunity to connect with other like-minded women to build community — even during such a weird Covid-saturated time. We really, really need each other right now.
For this event, you will need:
• A quiet, uninterrupted space where you can move freely for 90 minutes.
• Comfortable, breathable clothes that feel good on your skin.
• Blankets, mats or pillows to support yourself sitting or kneeling on the ground, and to keep warm with when we cool down. (For those with more limited mobility, we will help you modify to your level of comfort so you can participate fully.)
• Your favorite incense, body oils or diffuser to support your senses.
• Water, tea or your preferred beverage for staying hydrated.
• Journal, pen or pencil.
• A device to play the playlist that will be provided to you for this Body Drop.
Come let yourself be supported and learn new ways to nurture yourself. When we get into our bodies and really feel what’s going on, we learn to trust ourselves and our feelings more fully. Even just 90 minutes of intentionally connecting to your body can introduce MASSIVE amounts of joy, connection and pleasure into your life. Plenty of time for Q&A afterwards if you’d like to dive deeper and chat with the other ladies.
We are inclusive, supportive and affirming. All who identify as female are welcome and loved.
Come be held. I’d love to meet and move with you!